WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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