Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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