I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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