So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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