I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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