I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize