This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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