ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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