How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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