its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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