Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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