so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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