were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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