So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
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My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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