you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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