Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize