Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize