Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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