woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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