I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize