You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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