Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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