ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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