Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We need a shit load of segways right now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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