Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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