I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize