your parents love me but you hate me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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