i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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