Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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