Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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