I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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