life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm really busy with my period
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