Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
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Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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