I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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