I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
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FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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