I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
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I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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