its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize