We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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