I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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