i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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