I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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