My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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