Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
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I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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