God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize