you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize