I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
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After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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