Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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