Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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