...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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