I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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